There are a ton of websites out there that provide information, resource links, you name it. Sometimes what they fail to do is give you the truth from the perspective of a new dad. That’s fine, but we just thought you might like to hear it from a new dad.
We had our firstborn, Sophia, back in February. We also had her overseas due to my job (that was another story that will probably come later). Since then it has been one of the most challenging and rewarding things I have ever been blessed to be a part of. I thought that I would use my reflection of the past 6 months to give you a short list of some things I learned and that will hopefully help you out as well.
Full Disclaimer: I am a new dad…not a doctor or an expert….obviously.
1. Communication
When you find out you are having a kid, things are going to change, for the better, but they will change. It is important to discuss everything with your spouse or partner and ensure that the two of you are on the same page. I don’t just mean baby names and colors for the baby room. I mean the really important stuff. The legal, medical, and financial aspects of having a child can be stressful and challenging, so having each other’s back is always an amazing thing. We have a free checklist that covers some topics to discuss, so be sure to check that out.
2. Support Your Spouse/Partner
I can not even begin to describe how much I didn’t know about pregnancy. Even though I feel like I have learned so much, I know that I still know absolutely nothing in comparison to the full depth of it. It was a rough time for my wife. We moved across the world during the first trimester (which was complete chaos by the way) and she is the true MVP of this story. You NEED to support them during this time. The benefit of being a man is you don’t have to carry a baby for nine months. The least you can do is get them Chick-fil-a or an ICEE. Also, support them with their doctor visits or shopping that they may not want to do. Trust me, they deserve it and you NEED to be there.
3. Do Not Stress Buying Stuff
There are so many items people will tell you that you need and the truth is the list you need right away isn’t that large. You will have time after birth to start preparing for things down the road. Focus on items that cover sleeping, eating, transportation, and clothing. The toys and “fun” items aren’t used right away. For items that you need to start looking into right away, check out our Essentials List for our favorites and must-haves. We also highly recommend setting up an Amazon registry or a registry through your favorite retailer. This allows friends and family to help out. We were so blessed and received so much from our registry, saving our budget tremendously.
4. Start Planning for Time Now
Let your employer know of your news and see what your options are. Some companies offer paid paternity leave, but if not your paid time off will need to be saved. Being home for as long as you can be after the birth is crucial, so saving the time now (9 months out) will alleviate the stress later. Getting your employer in the loop earlier on will hopefully make for easier scheduling of time off and benefit updates. See our checklist for more info.
5. Be Involved
Since we decided to breastfeed, I was not able to do a whole lot with the food portion of my daughter’s day. That ability is growing as she is starting to try actual foods, but in the first few months, it was impossible for me. Being involved with the other aspects was such a cool experience for me and also helped my wife. Since she was home all day with our daughter, even simple things like changing diapers or bathing, helped out tremendously. If you can feed, do it as much as possible. If like me, that’s okay, just make sure you are spending quality time as much as you can. Help out!
6. Talk/Read To Your Baby
You may have the thought, “my baby can’t understand me, so why do I need to speak and read to them?”. It is okay to think that, but you are unfortunately wrong. The AAP’s research shows that your newborn could start to learn from your voice at 32 weeks in the womb (source). Reading and speaking to your child is such a great way to spend one-on-one time with them and it benefits them greatly. I am reading more and speaking to her more now than I ever have and I am so glad that I started early on. Watching her learn verbal cues and our voices is so amazing. Plus, baby babbles are the cutest thing in my opinion.
7. Take Advice But Not All Of It
Family and friends will offer resources and tips, past experiences, and more. That is a great thing. Just remember to ultimately do what works best for you and your child. Other people’s experiences can be a great way to gauge possibilities but are not a concrete way of defining what will come in the future. Leaning too heavily on other people’s advice can sometimes leave you fearful or discouraged when your situation is different or your child’s progress is not as fast. Every baby progresses differently and there is nothing wrong with that. Enjoy the process, but do not get caught up in the results. This leads me to my next point:
8. Do Not Compare Your Child to Others
As I stated before, every child progresses and grows differently. Some children walk at 6 months and some at 2 years. If you compare your child to others, you start to force those expectations on them. I am thankful that I was warned about this a lot beforehand, but it is something that I have seen a lot while interacting with other parents. Another thing to note: Do not be ashamed because your child is advancing faster than others. It is okay to have some pride in your child’s successes. Be considerate about it, but it is okay. When they have hit a huge milestone, celebrate it! #prouddad
9. Enjoy The First Few Months
Turns out that the term, “they grow up so fast”, is true. I will admit, that I took a little bit of that time for granted. You will miss that stage where they fit in your hand and are only 7 pounds. Our daughter, Sophia, is now almost 6 months old and it is crazy how much she has grown and how much she continues to grow every day. You won’t notice it right away, but one day you will look at your baby and realize they are starting to form their special attitude and appearance and it comes quickly. Be prepared! Seriously though, enjoy every moment. There is no rewind button. The transition from new dad to dad happens pretty quickly. Can’t use the new dad excuse forever!
10. Discuss Feeding Options
Do you and your partner want to breastfeed? Is that an option? Is formula a better option for your situation? These are all questions that need to be discussed. As a new dad this can be one that e easily forget about or let slip. My wife chose to breastfeed, and while I do not think she regrets the decision she made, it has been a very difficult process for her. Our daughter is picky and gives her such a rough time during feedings and bedtime. I am not saying that to scare you, but rather just the opposite. Just trying to inform you. Make the decision that is best for the family. Research your options thoroughly. You can also do a hybrid plan of breastfeeding and formula. Please speak to your pediatrician about options and if you have any concerns.
11. Have a Blast
Thank you for reading if you made it this far on the list. I just want to say, “have fun!”. It is going to be a challenging and rewarding experience and no matter what you think about yourself, you are ready. Being a new dad is one of the greatest achievements of my life. Raising my daughter with my wonderful wife has been hard at times, but seeing a smile or hearing a laugh from Sophia makes it all worth it. I hope your experience is amazing. With all of the chaos going on and all of the challenges you are going to face, remember to take them all in stride and enjoy the little moments. Spend quality time when you can and build a lasting relationship with your child.
If you are looking for more resources be sure to check out the Articles section on our website for more. If you would like to grab your free checklist, you can do that here. For questions or concerns, please send us an email at support@dadverse.net. We would love to hear from you.
