Let’s start with an image you are all familiar with.
You have just set the table for dinner. You want to try the meal off your favorite recipe site and can’t wait to dig in. When you sit down, your toddler decides they don’t want it, and they fling it across the room. The older child is crying because you let their food touch, and you know they can’t stand that.
Does this sound at all familiar to you? It is okay if you have because most of us have been there too. This is the regular part of parenting you rarely see. The stuff that does not make it into those inspirational Instagram videos or best-selling books. It isn’t glamorous, so it isn’t trending.
Today, social media sometimes has us doubt our parenting skills or the issues we face. “Picture-perfect” families fill our feeds, and we rarely see families struggle. Not that we want to see people work, but when all you see is “perfection,” it can cause unnecessary self-doubt. Questions like: “Why isn’t my life like that?” or “What am I doing wrong?” tend to arise when they do no need to. The majority of you are doing incredible!
Today’s post discusses how perfect parenting is no more than a myth. We will also discuss how mistakes are okay and can be an excellent foundation for growth and bonding in your family.
In this Article:
- Social Pressures of Perfect Parenting
- The Myth of Perfect Parenting
- The Reality of Parenting
- The Importance of Making Mistakes
- How to Handle Parenting Mistakes
- Our Take
Social Pressures of Perfect Parenting
It’s no secret that society sets pretty high standards. Particularly when it comes to parenting. Moms are frequently portrayed as always caring, understanding, and well-organized. On the other hand, Dads are portrayed as goofy disciplinarians who also take care of business. These generic and stereotypical roles have been perpetuated over the years and are ingrained in our minds. They can sometimes force us into believing we need to act a certain way or do things a certain way as parents.
Social media has accelerated this problem. A fast browse on Facebook or Instagram reveals families on constant vacations, kids receiving honors, parents preparing fancy meals, and homes that always appear pristine. Every day, “picture-perfect” families are featured on our screens. But frequently, these are carefully chosen snapshots of their lives that highlight their best accomplishments and situations. Remember that what we’re witnessing is more akin to a highlight reel than the entire movie, which has outtakes, bloopers, and retakes.
Seeing all this perfect living is where that pressure can start as a parent. Those questions of self-doubt and concern begin to arise, and the only ones they cause are stress and anxiety. Let’s face it, no one needs more cause for that today.
The real kicker is that this “social media perfection” is not a true reflection of real-life parenting. It’s not entirely accurate. It is only half of the story. So, why do we allow it to determine our perceptions of our worth and success as parents?
Remember, it’s okay not to always have it all together all the time. Parenting is not always picture-perfect, and that’s perfectly okay.
The Myth of Perfect Parenting
The myth of perfect parenting details never tired parents, always able to balance work and life, patient, and highly resourceful. Now, while a few of those things may be true for some people, it would be difficult to find a parent who has it all together.
It seems too good to be true. It does because it is. Seeing the highlight reels of a family’s day on social media can make it seem like a reality, but this is so far from the truth.
Think of a parent in your life who has it all together. They may be a celebrity or social media personality; they could also be someone you work with or see all the time. They do no wrong. They are always happy and motivated, well-rested, and so on. Chances are, you only see their best. You don’t see their rough days, sleepless nights with a toddler, or endless messes at their house.
Due to societal pressure, many feel they must put on this perfect facade to be accepted or loved. The truth is we need to be more open about our struggles as parents. This doesn’t mean everyone needs to know your business, but sharing that you do not have it all together is okay. It is healthy to get some of that pressure off of your chest.
A study conducted in 2018 by the National Library of Medicine found that the stress of perfect parenting can lead to increased anxiety and depression in the affected children. To avoid what we think is a mistake, we may be causing a massive problem for our children later.
Meeussen & Van Laar (2018). Feeling Pressure to Be a Perfect Parent
Debunking this myth and spreading the word that it is okay to be human and have faults is crucial. Our children depend on it. The reality of parenting is a better alternative to chasing perfection when it is impossible.
The Reality of Parenting
The reality of parenting is a beautiful mess. It is some sleepless nights, changing plans, fussy eaters, and a “to-do” list that never seems to end. For some, there are constant temper tantrums, cleaning food off the floor before the dog can get it, and rushing to get the kids to school on time. This is the other half of parenting.
Imagine this: You and your family have prepared the ideal Sunday activity: a park picnic with homemade sandwiches and lemonade. Your youngest then wakes up with a fever, your older child can’t locate their favorite hat, and before you know it, it’s pouring down rain. Real parenting looks like this. It’s unpredictable and frequently requires changing your well-written script on the fly.
And guess what? It’s not just moms who find themselves in the thick of this. Dads are right there, too, facing their own unique challenges. Maybe you’re a dad who has missed your child’s football match because of an urgent work meeting, or your teen’s math homework has outsmarted you. Remember, parenting is not a solo sport. It’s a team effort filled with mutual support and shared experiences.
The important thing here is to remember that these very chaotic moments make up the fabric of real life. Every surprise, every challenge, and every ‘failure’ is a step towards becoming the best parent you can be. Natural parenting is not about avoiding mistakes or striving for perfection. It’s about navigating the ups and downs with resilience, love, and a willingness to learn.
Related Article: Building Amazing Relationships
Remember to celebrate small victories and learn from the challenges. Because at the end of the day, that’s what our children will remember – not a perfect parent, but an honest parent who was present and loved them unconditionally.
The Importance of Making Mistakes
It is essential to understand that not only are mistakes inevitable, they are often necessary for growth. They offer us lessons and help guide us in a way that books and videos just can’t.
Like our children, we are also constantly learning new things. Do you recall the first time your child attempted to walk? They stumbled and fell, but they got back up and kept trying until they were running around the house one day. Our journey as parents is similar. We make mistakes and missteps but learn from them, adjust, and get better at this parenting thing daily.
Our mistakes can range from minor ones, like leaving your child’s favorite toy at home while you’re out for the day, to major ones, like losing our temper under pressure. Regardless of the severity, each mistake offers a chance for reflection and growth. They allow us to learn and develop by forcing us to reflect on our choices and actions.
Another important aspect of our mistakes is that they provide our kids with learning opportunities. They witness our errors being corrected as well as when we stumble. They can learn crucial life lessons from this, including emotional control, problem-solving, and resilience.
Ideally, we’d all be “good enough” parents. A term coined by the British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, the “good enough” parent meets their child’s needs reliably but not perfectly. This concept allows for mistakes, understanding that they are part of the parenting process and vital for a child’s development.
So, the next time you find yourself in a parenting blunder, take a deep breath and remember – it’s okay. Mistakes don’t make you a bad parent; they make you a real one.
Helpful Article: Introducing Money Management
How to Handle Parenting Mistakes
We now know that making mistakes is a necessary and inevitable part of parenting. However, how we respond to these situations can have a considerable impact. Here are some techniques to use during those times of self-doubt:
- Acknowledge Your Mistakes: The first step in dealing with a mistake is acknowledging it. There’s no use in denying or ignoring it. Remember, it’s okay to mess up. It’s okay not to have all the answers. Be honest with yourself and your children. This openness fosters trust and shows your child that it’s okay to make mistakes.
- Apologize When Needed: If your mistake has affected your child, apologize. An apology can go a long way in mending hurt feelings and showing your child how to take responsibility for their actions.
- Learn from It: Every mistake carries a lesson. Reflect on what went wrong and why. Understanding the roots of our mistakes helps us avoid repeating them in the future.
- Give Yourself Grace: Be kind to yourself. Parenting is harsh, and there’s no manual to it. When you make a mistake, don’t be too hard on yourself. Instead, remind yourself that you’re human and doing your best.
- Make a Plan: Once you’ve taken the time to reflect, plan to do better. This doesn’t mean striving for perfection but working on how you can respond differently in the future.
Our Take
Imagine a world where every parent was perfect, every child was flawless, and every day went exactly as planned. It would be monotonous and missing the surprises that bring color and depth to our lives. It’s the imperfections that add spice to our life stories.
Parenting is a journey of love, development, and connection rather than a quest for perfection. It’s about giving the family a big hug, reading stories before bed, laughing together at a joke, cuddling up after a nightmare, and taking pride in seeing your child develop and learn.
Being a perfect parent is a myth. But being a good parent – a genuine, loving, caring, and present parent, even with all your flaws and mistakes – is a beautiful reality.
I hope you enjoyed this post. If you did, please share it with others who might need to hear it. If you still need to, please join our Facebook page to stay updated on DADVERSE.
Recent Article: Teaching Patience
