One of the most important jobs in the world is that of a parent. Every one has their own parenting style, and it’s important to understand the various styles so you can make an informed decision about raising your children.
In this article we will go over the five major parenting styles in this article: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, neglectful, and uninvolved. We’ll look at how these styles influence a child’s growth and development as well as family dynamics. We’ll also talk about how new parents can strike the right balance of love and discipline when it comes to raising their children.
Jump to Section:
- Authoritarian Parenting
- Permissive Parenting
- Uninvolved Parenting
- Authoritative Parenting
- Attachment Parenting
- Our Take
- FAQ
Authoritarian Parenting
The authoritarian parenting style is one where the parent is strict and typically unwavering. The parent believes that the child should obey without question and adhere to the rules that have been set. Since an emphasis is placed on discipline, rather than nurturing, children will most likely grow to resent their parents.
Characteristics
It is easy to say what Authoritarian Parenting is, but what does it truly look like.
There is a lack of patience with disobedience.
You might not anticipate your children engaging in bad behavior if you are an authoritarian parent. It’s challenging for you to support a cordial relationship with your child. Because you think you know better, you might not have the patience to properly explain to your child why they should refrain from engaging in a particular behavior. Instead, you put little to no effort into considering your child’s viewpoint.
Trust is completely absent from the relationship.
Since obedience and discipline are at the forefront, it has to be enforced. The only way to truly enforce this is to watch your child “like a hawk”. By watching them all the time, there is never an opportunity for them to display that they can be disciplined and obedient on their own. Just think of the backlash this could cause later in life.
Empathy is also absent.
Hand in hand with patience, empathy is hard to give when not seeing someone else’s point of view. This creates an environment of insensitivity and lack of concern. It may not stop with your child, either. Doctors believe this cause them to treat others this way as they get older. (Source)
Effects on Children
Failure comes harshly.
Children live under pressure to perform when it is made clear that they must always get it right. You might need to alter your parenting approach if your child’s actions are motivated by a desire to avoid punishment at all costs. Instead of viewing a mistake as an opportunity to learn and get better, this causes them to fear failure.
Social interactions are made unnecessarily complex.
It’s crucial for kids to start learning social skills at a young age. If your child doesn’t have the opportunity to interact with others, they may struggle to relate to others even as adults.
Self-esteem is shattered.
Criticism undermines discipline while rewarding good behavior causes the child to question their value and abilities. Lack of appreciation for a child’s accomplishments can also lead to low self-esteem.
When Elements of Authoritarian Parenting are Used Correctly
Judging off of the text above, it is easy to completely rule out all talk of this method. As you will learn if you continue reading, though, there are some small wins if authoritarian parenting is used in conjunction with other ones.
Children can be more responsible.
Since they become accustomed to following rules, children rarely consider doing something wrong. The behavior becomes so ingrained that it persists into adulthood.
They may become focused on results and be more driven.
Children will always want to do the right thing because of parental constant nagging and reinforcement. It might be a result of conditioning to act in a particular way or fear of punishment. Parents who are authoritarian are very clear about the rules and how their kids are expected to act. As a result, their kids are more likely to give their all in everything they do because they are more likely to be focused.
Permissive Parenting
The permissive parenting approach, also known as child-led parenting or free range parenting, is very lax and frequently lacks set rules and expectations. These parents want to be best friends with their children. While not a horrible idea, can be if done the wrong way. Sometimes, permissive parents will take the opposite action in response to their own authoritarian parenting. Instead of imposing rules or telling their children what to do, these indulgent parents let their children make their own decisions. And they go out of their way to please their children, maintain their happiness, and limit conflict.
Characteristics
Lack of discipline when there should be.
Since this parenting style uses the “Laissez-faire” approach, it is no surprise that discipline is sometimes absent from the house. Even when children are being blatantly disrespectful and causing physical or mental harm to themselves or other, permissive parents tend to take the laid back approach. Allowing your children to “govern” their own actions is great for building independency, but they do need some form of structure to benefit.
Apologetic to your children when they are in the wrong.
When it is time to correct children, due to the nature of the relationship, parents are likely to apologize to their children for disciplining them. This is typically due to fearing that your child can not handle their emotions correctly. Or, it can also be due to the parent wanting to keep the friend relationship in tact.
Allowing children to overstep boundaries for fear of feelings.
Children may call their parents by their first name (not always a sign of disrespect) or may be comfortable talking down to their parents in normal conversation. Uncorrected this can lead to a fairly tense relationship in the household. This most likely goes on longer than it should for the same reasons as the apologetic topic.
Effects on Children
Their self-regulation skills are lacking.
They rarely have parents providing structure or even showing what structure is. This absence coupled with the laid back atmosphere doesn’t provide much reason or display of finding structure in their lives. Having a proper schedule, diet, finances may be hard to manage down the road.
Aggression can be more likely.
Children that are used to getting their way are not so keen on people changing that. When they are faced with situations they do not enjoy or agree with, this can lead to possible aggression or mental issues.
Relationships may be harder to navigate.
All of these things couple together to provide a rough mental state to navigate relationships. Permissive parenting has second and third order effects that are hard to imagine early on, but are important to your child’s teen and adult development.
When Elements of Permissive Parenting are Used Correctly
Freedom to express themselves.
Permissive parenting gives children an opportunity, if done correctly, to express themselves. This can lead to confidence and may give your child the ability to communicate emotions positively.
Chance to find things they enjoy.
When parents remove structure, children may learn more about themselves. Sports, drama, art, or anything ese they can put their mind to may appear. Supporting them in those decisions can build trust and respect.
They may learn early on to take advice and ideas from others.
This form of parenting allows children to “self-govern” and try to come up with solutions on their own. If done correctly, parents may be able to teach their children the importance of accepting criticism and advice.
Uninvolved Parenting
This one is fairly self explanatory, but still deserves your full attention. Uninvolved parenting, also referred to as neglectful parenting, is when parents focus more on themselves than the growth and nurturing of their children. This can be due to work or hobbies and leaves the children “raising themselves”.
Whether it is caused by work or mental and physical stressors, children still end up growing up before they should have to. They typically ick up chores, take care of other siblings, or even take care of the parents. All of which are a heavy burden on them.
Characteristics
Parents focus on themselves.
Work life and hobbies tend to take priority over that of your family. This can be caused by unacknowledged stress and can also be associated with depression or other mental health issues. The time set aside for the children is completely absent or very little.
No interest in activities that involve your child.
If children are involved in school functions, sports, or even just playtime around the house, uninvolved parents typically make no effort to attend or participate.
Complete lack of discipline or rules.
Since parents tend to be uninvolved, the setting of rules and discipline guidelines has not likely been done. Children sometimes fend for themselves with homework, bedtime, playtime, and possibly even meal times.
Emotional attachment is absent.
Due to their own personal stressors, uninvolved parents may have little to no emotional connection with their children. This can even extend to nurturing for which the parent feels they have little to provide.
Effects on Children
Low self-esteem.
Children that are brought up without a parent bestowing love and affection, this can lead to self-doubt. When these children grow-up, or even early on, this can cause massive self-esteem issues. They may doubt their worth since they felt they were not worthy enough for their parent’s affection.
Emotional struggles with relationships.
Since children with uninvolved parents tend to not have been shown love, they may have a hard time showing it themselves. This may follow them throughout their personal and work relationships.
A poor ability to cope with hardship.
This goes back to not having a parent that spent time with you or taught you things. Coping is something that parents typically teach you about. Children who were never taught valuable mental skills, will obviously have a hard time putting them into action. This is even more the case in stressful or hard situations.
Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative parenting is setting guidelines and rules, but allowing outcomes to play out naturally. Then, using those outcomes to teach lessons. These parents also show their children, through thought, how their actions cause harm to others. Rarely is punishment used in its stead.
Furthermore, authoritative parents build close emotional bonds with their kids and pay attention to their needs, emotions, and opinions. They offer security, acceptance, warmth, and free exchange of ideas. These parents freely compliment and affirm their kids.
Characteristics
Discussion rather than action.
When boundaries or rules that are set, are broken, parents choose to walk the child through the cause and effect of their actions. This allows the child to see the consequences of their actions and how it seldom only involves them, but also others around them.
Clear rules and boundaries.
Authoritative parents are very transparent and open with their children on what guidelines are to be followed. It is much easier to discuss consequences with a child when the guidelines were clearly set beforehand.
Handle all issues that arrive with their child.
Discuss and navigate problems as a unit and not as parent versus child.
Kids raised by authoritative parents are more likely to become independent, self-reliant, socially accepted, academically successful, and well-behaved.
Gwen Dewar, Ph.D.
Effects on Children
Given a boost in confidence.
Authoritative parents spend a lot of quality time nurturing and teaching their children. This leads to children knowing their self worth and understanding they are important.
Builds an environment of trust.
Parents that are transparent and open with their children leave little space for distrust to form. Some things are best kept from your children, but for the most part children respond well to being included. Whether this is in family decisions or even just “adult-topic conversations”, it can have a positive impact.
Self-reliant and self-guidance skills are developed.
Discipline that teaches the cause and effect of actions helps children understand, than than resent, their parents. This can expand into areas of organization and self-guidance. Independency also boosts self-confidence and esteem.
Relationship building is much easier.
Parents that practice the authoritative approach show and teach their children what good communication looks like early on. This helps children to associate the necessary sills with positive relationship building.
Attachment Parenting
The nurturing relationship that parents can form with their children is the main focus of attachment parenting. The best way to raise secure, self-reliant, and compassionate children, in the opinion of many, is through that nurturing connection. They argue that a strong, trusting attachment to parents as children lays the groundwork for strong bonds and independence in adulthood. This method of parenting is specifically geared at the early stages of childhood (newborn to 2 years old).
Characteristics
Maximum skin-to-skin contact.
Attachment parenting focuses on keeping the baby or even toddler close to you as much as possible. This can be through a carrying sling or harness or even just laying them on your chest.
Related article: Kangaroo Care
Utilizing positive discipline principles.
Even the youngest babies should be diverted, redirected, and guided by their parents, who should also set a good example. Understanding the message that a child’s bad behavior is conveying is the goal of attachment parenting. And rather than spanking or simply imposing their will on kids, parents are urged to work out a solution with them.
Parenting touch throughout the nighttime.
Making arrangements for “co-sleeping” is advised by experts in attachment parenting. An infant sleeps in the same room as their parents when co-sleeping so that they can feed and comfort them during the night. Some parents “bed-share,” or put their infants in the same bed as them. Be aware though that the American Academy of Pediatrics currently advises against this due to the possibility of increasing the risk of SIDS.
Related Article: SIDS and SUID
Understanding through sensitivity to feelings.
Parents who practice attachment parenting view all emotional outbursts, including persistent tantrums, as genuine attempts at communication. Instead of being punished or disregarded, those efforts should be understood and taken seriously.
Effects on Children
Over-dependent children and stress parents.
Parents that are always giving in to their child’s every need are probably extremally stressed out. Raising a child that is always given what they want seldom has positive outcomes. Overdependent children have a much harder time with separation anxiety when it comes time for school or even a babysitter for those stressed out parents.
Bed sharing and the negative effects.
There is a ton of research against bed-sharing and co-sleeping. Too much to get into on this article, but please check out our related article on SIDS.
Our Take
I believe that authoritative is probably the best on the list. I also believe that most of you agree. It isn’t perfect though. Which is why I think that all parents should be utilizing a hybrid parenting style for the best success. I will reiterate something though – I am not a doctor; I am just a dad. My goal is to present the information clearly, so that you can make the best informed decision for your child and family.
You may be an authoritative parent that also practices elements from authoritarian parenting or attachment parenting, or both. To that, I would say that you are a great parent! You being on this site already shows that you care about your child’s development. That by itself is enough for a round of applause!
Frequently Asked Questions
Authoritative Parenting, Authoritarian Parenting, Attachment Parenting, Permissive Parenting, and Uninvolved Parenting
Most would agree that Authoritative Parenting is the most beneficial for you and your child. However, it should be noted that it may not be the end all be all to parenting. Utilizing a hybrid method that changes to your child’s needs may be the best option.
Most agree that the worst is by far Authoritative Parenting. I also like to add uninvolved parenting to the mix of worst contenders.
Thank You for Reading
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