As a father, spending time with your children is one of the most important things you can do to support their development and well-being. However, not all time spent with children is created equal. Quality time refers to meaningful, engaging interactions that build strong relationships and positive experiences for both the child and the father. In this article, we’ll explore why quality time with dad matters, what it looks like in practice, and how to make it happen, even in the midst of busy schedules and competing demands. By prioritizing quality time with your children, you can help them thrive and build deeper, more fulfilling relationships that will last a lifetime.
Jump to Sections:
- What is Quality Time?
- What Quality Time with Dad Looks Like
- Why Quality Time with Dad Matters
- Managing Time as a Father
- Building Strong Relationships
- Our Take
- Sources and Further Reading
What is Quality Time?
Quality time is any time spent that is meaningful, engaging, and enjoyable for parents and children. Of course, this goes well beyond the scope of parenting.
Since all families, dads, moms, and children are different, there is no set definition for what quality time is. This could be reading, watching television, playing games, or even just enjoying each other’s company with conversation and laughs.
It should be the goal for this time to be intentional, focused, and the main point- uninterrupted. We will touch more on that last point in a little bit.
What Quality Time with Dad Looks Like
Quality time with your children can take many forms, but the principles should never really change. If they do, only slightly. Here are five key principles that I believe all quality time should cover in some fashion.
Be Present and Engaged
Quality time with dad means giving your child your full attention, which includes putting away any distractions like phones or work and focusing on your child and their interests. Being fully present in the moment with your child will allow you to bond with them and create lasting memories.
Actively Listen and Show Interest
When you are with your children it is important to connect with them. You do this by not only listening by showing interest. This lets them know that you value their time and things that they are interested in.
Trust me, I know that it is hard to listen to a story about a Bluey episode you have seen 20 times. Or to listen to a story that is lacking a plot or any sort of consistency. However, what if you looked at that as something amazing? Your child is sharing something with you. You may not understand it at all, but it is something they value.
Choose Shared Interest
Choosing things that you have a mutual interest in is a great start. This could be sports, music, board or video games, and the list goes on. Do you like “insert topic here”? Does your child like “insert the same topic”? If the answer is yes, you have a mutual interest.
By choosing shared interests you also allow for positive teaching opportunities as a parent. If it is video games, for instance, you have an opportunity to teach patience and humility when struggling or losing and to be humble when the victor. The little skills can go a long way far beyond the scope of bonding time. Your child can carry these types of lessons with them into adulthood as they engage in social and business groups.
Related Post: Bonding With Your Children: 10 Exciting Activities
Positive Reinforcement
This one is huge for a child’s self-esteem and skill growth. By you, the parent and role model, offering positive reinforcement can give your child a serious confidence boost. This can be in the form of a verbal “you are doing a great job” or even a high five or a hug.
Try this: Instead of saying “good job”, try saying ” I am really proud of you for working so hard on that project”. This response can be so much more personal and meaningful to your children.
When your child does something well, it is important to give them that feedback. It helps them with two things: (1) confidence, as we talked about, and (2) lets them know you are proud of them and excited about what they are doing.
Along with positive reinforcement also comes constructive criticism. This can be hard because we never want to break our child’s heart. However, doing it in the correct (kind) way can benefit them greatly. Learning from mistakes and growing skills like resiliency and determination are great for independence and self-esteem.
Create Traditions and Memories
Spending quality time with dad isn’t just about the here and now – it’s also about creating lasting memories and traditions that your child will carry with them throughout their lives. Creating traditions can be as simple as reading a bedtime story together every night or having a weekly family game night. These regular activities provide a sense of stability and consistency for your child, which can be especially important during times of stress or change.
For example, you might take an annual family camping trip, go on a hike together, or visit a new city. These types of experiences help create lasting memories that your child will cherish for a lifetime, and they also help build a sense of adventure and curiosity.
Why Quality Time with Dad Matters
It is no surprise that children need quality time with their parents. They need quality time with their fathers for tons of reasons. See below for some statistics that I found while heavily researching this topic. Some of the numbers may surprise you.
All sources of information have been provided at the bottom of this article.
Improved Cognitive Development
Children who have involved fathers tend to display much higher cognitive learning levels. With higher cognitive levels, these children also show greater success in academics.
Now, this is not the case for all, but research has shown that fathers play an important role here. This is thought to be a result of fathers pushing their children. This can be in play and exploration or even problem-solving activities that can be found naturally in hobbies.
Related Post: Unlocking The Secrets Of Sensorimotor Development In Early Childhood
Positive Social and Emotional Development
Children who have strong connections and spend a lot of time with their dads are typically well-prepared for social and emotional situations.
When dads “horse-play” or wrestle with their children, it can help the children learn how to control emotions, and aggression, and how to handle problem-solving. If conducted in the right manner. They can also be that emotional support and stability when their children need a shoulder.
These social and emotional skills that they learn early on will follow them for the rest of their life. Handling situations of high stress and loss will be much easier to tackle.
A father’s unique perspectives and experiences offer a great compliment to a mother. Both are necessary and go hand-in-hand.
Positive Role Modeling
Role modeling may be the single most important thing that a father can provide for his children. Children are sponges for information and behavior. Fathers can be that perfect source of growth and development if handled correctly.
When fathers display positive behaviors toward family, friends, and stress, children pick up on that. It is way more likely for children to grow to have positive behaviors and attitudes if their parents set that example for them early on.
Some other aspects of this are work ethic, resilience, responsibility, and accountability. These are oftentimes rare traits that have a critical need later on in life. Fathers can set that example now if they take the time to.
Side Note: You are always being watched. And no, not in a creepy way. I mean watched by your children. Even when you think they are not paying attention or learning from you, they are. You are more often than not the first example they will see of a certain action. Whether it is how you handle stress, failure, success, or even when someone cuts you off on the highway, it is a learning opportunity for them. You can either mishandle it (as we all want to sometimes) or be that example for them.
Some U.S. Stats on Father Involvement
According to a 2019 survey by the National Fatherhood Initiative, 77% of fathers said that they spend more time with their children than their fathers did with them.
According to a 2018 study by the Fatherhood Institute, fathers who spend more time with their children have children who are more likely to have better mental health and well-being, including lower rates of depression and anxiety.
Research has shown that father involvement in children’s lives is associated with positive outcomes for children, including better academic performance, improved social skills, and increased self-esteem. This was found to be the case in 67% of applicants who provided information.
A study by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development found that fathers who spent more time with their children had children who were less likely to experience behavioral problems.
Managing Time as a Father
This is the second most important part, after your children. How do you manage your time? Are you managing it correctly?
Where is the Time Going?
Let’s get into some math for a second. We will call it DAD MATH. Simple yet useful.
In 2023, work demand is at a much higher rate than it was, say, 20 years ago. The amount of time people work and the amount of work they accomplish has skyrocketed. 40 hour weeks are what is shown, but often not the truth.
In 2020, the Bureau of Labor Statistics conducted a poll on fathers and the 40-hour work week. In the study they found that most fathers worked an average of 45 hours. At the end of 2022, that number had jumped to almost 50.
In the 2022 study, the bureau found that almost 70% of fathers worked over 40 hours a week. 18% of fathers worked over 50 hours. That is a rough week for anyone, especially parents.
Home life, children, marriage, and work all tied together in a package can be a lot to handle. Throw in work being even more demanding and it can push you over your limit. Stress and exhaustion can make it easy to put your family on the sidelines.
This is where managing your time can come in. It doesn’t make work any easier since that is typically something we can’t control. What it does do is gives you the potential to make the most of the remaining time in your schedule. Let’s take a look.
DAD MATH: Assuming you only work 5 days a week and you are working 50 hours, let’s see how much time we have left.
If the father is sleeping 8 hours a day, that amounts to 56 hours of sleep per week (8 hours x 7 days).
Subtracting the time spent working and sleeping from the total hours in a week, we get:
168 hours in a week – 50 hours of work – 56 hours of sleep = 62 hours!
If you are working 50 hours a week and sleeping normally, you have 62 hours left to be with your family. Of course, you also need to set aside some time for yourself, but that is a lot of time. We just normally mismanage it.
Tips to Manage Time
Keep these principles in mind when dealing with time management as a father. They are not a clear-cut guide since everyone’s situation is different, but they do help. The goal is to make the most of time and the key is to stay focused on our end goal: our children having a present father.
Set Clear Schedules
Utilize a Google Calendar or another planning tool to set up work times, children’s events, dinner ideas, and anything else you want to plan out. Having things visible on a calendar, even though you might think they are small events, can help make the most out of the time allotted.
This also helps keep track of doctor’s appointments, school functions, and sporting events that you may not want to miss. Sometimes with all of the stress from work, it can be hard to remember everything. Let an app on your phone help you out!
Prioritize Your Time
Make the most out of your time by clearing your schedule of things that just don’t matter. If you have to give up playing video games one day or miss a basketball game (March Madness is coming up) it will be alright. Instead, use that time to play a board game or throw the baseball around with your child.
Be Present
When you are with your family, be there physically and mentally. Put the phone away, forget about work and the bills, and just be present in the moment. Enjoy that time with your children and your wife. It probably means so much to them that you are there, why not make the most of it?
Delegate and Communicate
If there are chores to do around the house, ask your wife (or children if they are old enough) to help you out. If there are tasks you normally do (like the trash), but are having a rough week just ask for some help.
If you are at work and are always late getting home because of x, y, or z, ask someone at work to help you out. This is not always an option, but if it is take advantage of it.
All of these combined can help you get the most out of your schedule. The important part is to give time management a shot and see what wonders it can do for you and your family. You might just find that you are less-stress, more rested, and more engaged with your children than you ever have been.
“As a father, I know that my time with my children is precious. That’s why I’ve learned to make the most of the time that I have with them. I focus on being fully present and engaged when I am with them, and I try to create meaningful experiences that we can all enjoy together. At the same time, I recognize the importance of my career and the role that it plays in supporting my family. By finding a healthy balance between my work and family life, I can be the best possible father for my children.”
Jason, Father of 4, Active Duty Military
Building Strong Relationships
Building a strong relationship with your child is essential for creating a bond of trust, communication, and connection that can last a lifetime. It’s important to spend time with your child regularly and to be present and engaged during that time. This means putting away distractions like phones or computers and giving your child your full attention.
In addition to spending quality time together, it’s also important to communicate openly and honestly with your child. This means listening actively to your child’s thoughts and feelings, being supportive and understanding, and providing guidance and advice when necessary.
Our Take
Being a dad in 2023 can be pretty difficult. Work demands more and more every day, distractions are more present than they ever have been, and stress globally is at an all-time high. However, our kids need us! We can always strive to do better and be better fathers for our children. We do this by implementing some time management skills daily and setting priorities. Getting rid of distractions like technology, sports, or the excessive number of “hobbies” we may have is also a start.
Fathers are important. We need to realize the responsibility that we have.
Sources
“Fathers’ Involvement with their Children: United States, 2006-2010” by Jo Jones, Ph.D., and William D. Mosher, Ph.D. (Source)
“The Effects of Father Involvement on Child Outcomes” by Rebekah Levine Coley and Tama Leventhal (Source)
“Fatherhood in America: Social Work Perspectives on a Changing Society” edited by Carl Mazza, et al. (Source)
“Fathers and Adolescent Daughters: The Importance of Quality Time” by Shalonda Kelly, Ph.D. (Source)
“The Effects of Father Involvement on Child Development” by Jessica A. Pfleger (Source)
“Fatherhood as a Protective Factor Against Drug and Alcohol Use” by Charles W. Washington, Ph.D. (Source)
Further Reading
“The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children” by Ronald P. Rohner, Ph.D. (Source)
“Father Involvement and Child Well-Being: The Importance of Positive Relationships” by Sarah Allen, et al. (Source)
“The Effects of Father Involvement: An Updated Research Summary of the Evidence Inventory” by Jennifer Kerpelman, et al. (Source)
